LADIES, EVER FELT LIKE MEN DON'T HAVE A CARING BONE IN THEIR BODY? EVER FELT LIKE ALL MEN ARE DOGS? TURNS OUT THEY DO CARE, AND IT'S MORE THAN WE EVER THOUGHT. IN FACT THEY AREN'T EVEN DOGS,THEY JUST HAVE SOME PUPPY WAYS. IN A RECENT CONVO WITH ONE OF MY GOOD GUY FRIENDS,WE GOT ONTO THE SUBJECT OF LOVE. HE HAS RECENTLY GONE THROUGH AN "OFFICIAL" BREAK UP FROM AN ON AGAIN,OFF AGAIN GIRLFRIEND OF 3 YEARS. HE WAS TELLING ME THAT HE LOVES HER,BUT THAT HE DOESN'T FEEL LIKE SHE WAS PUTTING HER ALL INTO THE RELATIONSHIP.

THAT ALONE MADE ME  STOP HIM, MID- SENTENCE AND GET CLARITY.I ASKED HIM TO ELABORATE,BECAUSE IT CAUGHT MY ATTENTION THAT A MAN WANTED "ALL" OF A RELATIONSHIP. LAST I CHECKED,THEY WANTED SEX ( LOTS OF IT) AND THE ABILITY TO WATCH THE BASKETBALL GAME WITHOUT SOMEONE ASKING THEM QUESTIONS BEFORE HALFTIME. HE LAUGHED AND SAID THAT PART WAS TRUE,BUT THEY WANTED MORE. HE SAID THAT SOMETIMES HE WOULD COME HOME FROM WORK,AND SHE WAS NOT EXCITED TO SEE HIM. SHE NEVER HAD A MEAL PREPARED,OR EVEN TAKE OUT ORDERED. HE WENT ON TO  SAY THAT HE WOULD ANTICIPATE GETTING HOME JUST TO SEE HER,BUT THEN WOULD BE DISAPPOINTED WHEN SHE WASN'T EXCITED TO SEE HIM. HE SAID HE WANTED TO FEEL LIKE A PRIORITY. HE WENT ON TO TELL ME THAT WOMEN ARE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT BEING TREATED LIKE QUEENS,BUT DON'T TREAT THEIR MEN LIKE KINGS. 

THE MORE WE TALKED ,I REALIZED THAT IT BOILED DOWN TO THE NEED FOR RECIPROCITY AND THE ANXIETY OF LETTING SOMEONE GET CLOSE FOR FEAR OF NOT GETTING IT. MEN ARE NOT LIKE WOMEN. THEY DON'T  EXPRESS ALL OF THEIR FEELINGS WHILE THEY ARE HAVING THEM. EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE SOME EMOTIONALLY RESERVED WOMEN,MOST OF US LEAN TOWARDS BEING VOCAL ABOUT WHAT'S EFFECTING US. MEN ON THE OTHER HAND, ARE MORE GUARDED,AND WHEN THEY ACTUALLY DO FALL IN LOVE,THEY FALL HARD. HAVE YOU EVER OBSERVED THE BEHAVIOR OF A PUPPY? INITIALLY THEY JUMP ALL OVER YOU,KISS AND LICK YOUR FACE WITHOUT HESITATION & DEPEND ON YOU TO FEEL LOVED. NOW, WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THEY PEE ON THE FLOOR WHILE BEING POTTY TRAINED ,AND YOU PUNISH THEM? THEY HOLD THEIR HEAD DOWN, CRY A  LITTLE BIT,AND WALK SLOWLY TOWARDS YOU WHEN YOU CALL THEIR NAME. SOUND FAMILIAR? MEN ARE NATURALLY INCLINED TO LOVE US,BUT IF THEY FEEL LIKE WE ARE UPSET WITH THEM, DON'T VALUE THEM,OR ARE DISAPPOINTED IN THEM, THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO COPE. FOR SOME REASON MEN EQUATE CORRECTION WITH A LOSS OF LOVE. THEY IMMEDIATELY PUT UP A WALL,AND GO INSIDE THEMSELVES. WOMEN SEE CORRECTION AS A WAY TO SHOW LOVE. IF WE DIDN'T CARE WE WOULDN'T WANT TO  CORRECT THE BEHAVIOR.

HERE'S THE PROBLEM,SOME WOMEN HAVE CORRECTED IN A WAY THAT WASN'T CONSTRUCTIVE. SOME WOMEN YELL AND COMPARE THEIR MAN TO OTHER MEN. THIS METHOD USUALLY BORN OUT OF FRUSTRATION, IS THE WORST THING THAT YOU CAN DO TO A MAN. IT MAKES HIM FEEL AS IF YOU DON'T HAVE RESPECT FOR HIM.

I'M TOTALLY AWARE THAT THE WOMAN MAY BE FRUSTRATED BECAUSE OF THE SAME THING,BUT SOMETIMES AS THE WOMAN YOU HAVE TO TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM. IF YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP THAT IS BALANCED AND A MAN WHO IS WILLING TO LISTEN AND RESPOND PROPERLY TO YOU,THEN YOU HAVE TO CHANGE HOW YOU BUILD THE TEAM. WHEN YOU CORRECT A MAN,OR EXPRESS YOUR NEEDS,MAKE SURE TO DO IT IN A LOVING WAY. MAKE SURE TO LISTEN AND NOT JUST DICTATE. LEARN YOUR MAN. IF YOUR MAN NEEDS A FEW MINUTES AFTER WORK TO WIND DOWN BEFORE CONVERSATION ENSUES,GIVE HIM THAT TIME. IF YOUR MAN LIKES TO HAVE A MEAL PREPARED THEN LEARN HOW TO COOK.

IF YOUR MAN WANTS TO HAVE YOUR FULL ATTENTION,THEN PUT DOWN THE LAP TOP AND LOG OFF OF INSTAGRAM WHEN HE GETS HOME. GIVE HIM THE LITTLE EXTRA BIT AND HE WILL GIVE YOU ALL THAT HE HAS. I MEAN LET'S BE SERIOUS,DON'T WE ALWAYS TELL MEN IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS WE'RE LOOKING FOR?

SINCE MY FRIEND AND I WERE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION AT A LOCAL COFFEE BAR,ONE OF HIS MALE FRIENDS ENDED UP JOINING US. HE COULDN'T WAIT TO WEIGH IN ON THE CONVERSATION. HE BEGAN TO TELL US THAT HE HAD BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE,BUT THE GIRL WAS JUST USING HIM FOR FINANCIAL GAIN,AND IT MADE IT HARD FOR HIM TO TRUST. AS I WAS SITTING BACK LISTENING TO THESE HANDSOME,SUCCESSFUL MEN,I REALIZED THAT THEY REALLY DO JUST WANT A GOOD WOMAN. HIS FRIEND WENT ON TO SAY THAT HE REALLY LOVED HER,BUT ONCE HE FOUND OUT SHE WAS USING HIM,HE VOWED NOT TO LET A WOMAN GET TOO CLOSE AGAIN. THESE ARE TWO MEN THAT ARE WOUNDED AND DON'T KNOW THAT A REAL WOMAN KNOWS HOW TO TREAT THEM. LADIES I SAY THIS,DON'T DAMAGE MEN,JUST AS MEN SHOULDN'T DAMAGE WOMEN. MEN DON'T START OUT HAVING TRUST ISSUES,AND EITHER DO WE. THE SIMPLE LESSON HERE IS TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WISH TO BE TREATED,BUT WHAT'S THE DEEPER LESSON? 

IN MY OPINION (THAT IS BASED ON THIS CONVERSATION AND MANY OTHERS ON THE SAME TOPIC FOR YEARS) IS THAT MEN REALLY NEED WOMEN,BUT ARE AFRAID THAT TWO THINGS WILL HAPPEN

1) HE WILL GIVE HIS ALL, AND SHE WILL LEAVE HIM OR NOT FEEL THE SAME

2) HE WILL MISS OUT ON ALL THE OTHER WOMEN (THIS IS FROM AN IMMATURE MAN)

SO AS WOMEN (REAL WOMEN) WHO WANT A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP,LEARN HOW TO TREAT YOUR MAN WITH THE SAME EMPATHY AND RESPECT YOU CRAVE. BE HIS HELP MATE,AND HE WILL BE YOURS AND THEN SOME. MEN ULTIMATELY DESIRE TO PROTECT. SOMETIMES I THINK BECAUSE WOMEN HAVE HAD TO BE SO INDEPENDENT FOR SO LONG,THAT WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO ALLOW OURSELVES TO BE PROTECTED. THE PROTECTION I'M TALKING ABOUT IS A SURETY OF LOVE,RESPECT,AND LOYALTY. THAT COMBINATION WILL CREATE THE ENVIRONMENT TO BE ABLE TO WORK THROUGH ANYTHING. MEN AND WOMEN NEED TO LEARN HOW TO TRUTHFULLY COMMUNICATE ONE ANOTHER'S NEEDS AND BE WILLING TO WORK TOWARDS MEETING THEM.MEN ARE NOT DOG'S ,BUT THEY NEED US TO BE THEIR BEST FRIENDS AND IN TURN THEY WILL GIVE US THE DEEP LOVE WE CRAVE.

LOVE & LIGHT

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